If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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