i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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