Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
