In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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