I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
