I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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