Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
