he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize