I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
