he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my sisters under your porch take her home
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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