Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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