If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
