oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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