its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I could fuck to npr.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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