where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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