apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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