Are we in a gay sports bar?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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