yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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