i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
