its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
