Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm at about main and main street
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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