Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
