Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my shit smells like andre
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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