Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
