Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he thought i was a dude.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
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this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
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It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
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