I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
