he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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