used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
