Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
