Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
