I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
