She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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