I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
