I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
