Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
