We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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