Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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