pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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