how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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