At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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