I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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