You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
