i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
