I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
