No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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