Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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