We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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