Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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