There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
