I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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