In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
