Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
