i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
