we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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