We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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