My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
