whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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