if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
